Story in a Poem: "Midsummer/Midlife" and National Coming Out Day
National Coming Out Day was this week, and I am always fascinated by my conflicting memories about coming out: did I do it too soon? Too late? Was I fair in the ways and most importantly the order I told people? Did I take their responses well? What do I if they’re not happy about it? What happens to that relationship now? And who is too risky for all sorts of reasons to come out to at all?
My coming out was rocky in places, breezy in others. You’ll read those poems someday. And of course, it continues. Maybe this article is me coming out to you.
One way or another, those who come out move on with the lives and the family they choose. In my case, life has centered on my forty year marriage—well, married now for only 13 years, but we considered ourselves paired the day we met in 1982—with Pierce, a native New Yorker who made a career in IT. Our lives have changed a lot over time, and that is the premise of this poem.
Me and Pierce in Bryant Park
“Midsummer/Midlife”, which is in my next collection, Good Housekeeping, forthcoming in spring 2024 from Poets Wear Prada, was written in 2018 during a workshop with Alex Dimitrov at Poets House. I was a couple of years from retiring and had started taking workshops to see if this poetry habit might become something more. Poets House, which is slowly coming back from Covid and flood damage, was at that time a bustling center of fellowships, readings, an amazing library, and a strong workshop program, all taking place off Battery Park in Lower Manhattan.
Alex drew an eclectic mix of mostly younger writers who shared his aesthetic, which I will venture to describe as Frank O’Hara for the 21st century: chatty, grounded in New York daily life, a gritty/shiny surface of nice language strung atop wells of longing, loneliness, anger and boredom. His work is intensely relatable, and shows up repeatedly in leading publications. I was excited to get to know him.
As an instructor, Alex sought to open paths less traveled. We worked a lot with C.A. Conrad’s somatic exercises. Accordingly, I biked to a cemetery to write about Houdini. (Cemeteries are a fringe benefit of where I live in Queens.) Alex encouraged me to break my instinct for narrative, to create strong lines and language. We discussed hackneyed writing. I still have our list of forbidden hackneyed words: shine, happy, shocked, etc…strong words that have lost their poetic power from overuse.
Summer has always been one of my favorite seasons. The sucking heat, the sound of New York air conditioners roaring away, and a nice cool snuggle with a late night movie, are cozier to me than coming in from sledding and warming the feet by the fire (ugh).
This poem was published in Impossible Archetype in August 2020, one of my earliest published poems. Alex wanted the class to think about whether the word “Netflix” should be used in a poem, in this context. What do you think?
Midsummer Midlife
Come pillow against me and let’s savor a Netflix.
The bed is stripped to sheets; the A/C catches up.
A sexy show and your weight on my chest launch
Beta video memories that have outlived their player:
fuzzy snatches of escapades, glances
across fog-filled rooms lit by smoldering
flickers of “bring it on” halo your face lit by the screen;
that detonate under my skin this Saturday night
that descends from velvet ropes, then chains, then spiked
collars, the bind that ties, confines--that couch.
Now we leave parties early or blow them off;
we turn away from other greener mouths
back to now — yes — scan the menu.
This is still the one recommended for you.
Have you had a long term friendship or relationship? What kinds of activities got it started? Did you keep doing them, or did you find new shared experiences? How do risk, excitement, glamor, and comfort play out as time goes by? It’s funny that while what we do for fun may tame down a bit as we age, the march of time creates greater dangers to our health and safety even if all we do is sit alone in a room. Yet, I believe, as the song says,
I made my mind up back in Chelsea
When I go... I'm going like Elsie.
Good night, everyone!
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